7 Lessons I Learned as a Single Mother
Single mom life is exhausting. Mom life in itself is exhausting, but at least there is emotional support from a spouse. It can be lonely and isolating as a single mom. Or if you are dating someone it can make you feel guilty for taking attention away from your children. Trying to attempt to balance your time with work, a boyfriend and still making time for your kids. How do you survive as a single mother? I know I struggled and had many painful and lonely days. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself what I know today. But of course, that’s not how life works. There were many lessons I learned as a single mother. Hopefully my life lessons can help you or someone you know.
If you’re a single mom you probably have been through some traumatic events. There could have been cheating, rejection, abandonment, abuse, your whole life was flipped upside down. You can have feelings hidden in your subconscious from these traumatic experiences. You may have low self-esteem from being cheated on or rejected. You may feel unlovable and have abandonment issues. Especially if you had abandonment issues as a child. I know the pain. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self that you are loved, you are worthy, you are not alone in this world. Please love yourself. You are not your past. You are a wonderful human being full of love to give and receive. The people who are meant to be in your life will stay in your life. Weed out all those abusive, toxic, negative influences out of your life. You are going to succeed in life because you know you are worthy of success. If you feel you are not worthy then you will surround yourself with people who are on a low level of life and bad things will continue to happen to you. People elevate to a higher level of life with self-growth. You grow When you learn to love yourself and others. You grow When you learn to feel those bad emotions. You grow When you stop hiding your emotions or drinking your emotions away. So love yourself.
Trying to find your child a father
Don’t feel guilty about not having a male role model in the house. I tried so hard to fill that father figure with another man. I wanted to give my children the father they deserved. I wanted to give them a complete family. I wanted them to have everything the other kids had. They deserved to have everything they emotionally needed. I didn’t want them to feel like they were missing something in their life. But what I didn’t realize was, I was enough. My kids didn’t need a man in the house to be their father. I fulfilled their needs better by myself than any other person. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that all my children need is me. “You are enough.” Just focus on being a mother. Don’t focus on giving them a step-father. I wanted to give them the world. But I was their world.
Don’t let others guilt trip you
Don’t let a boyfriend make you feel guilty for breaking up. A man will tell you that you can’t leave because your kids are attached and it wouldn’t be right to take him away from them. Don’t let a man use your kids to make you feel guilty and manipulate your decisions. Your children are resilient. If that man is not treating you right then let go of him. Your children will overcome any breakup. In the end, you are the person they need. Don’t let a man manipulate you or keep you down. It is manipulation when a man influences my decisions by using my children. Making me feel like I have to stay with him for my children’s emotional well-being. But I didn’t know this was manipulation, so I listened to him. I stayed unhappy because I thought I was doing what was best for my children. I was doing the worst for my children. I’ve learned from my mistakes. I wish I would have learned this lesson when I was younger so I could have lived a happier life. But I have become a stronger and wiser person through all my mistakes.
We all feel guilty
Single mothers feel so guilty that their children don’t have a father, or the father is unreliable, or guilty about a divorce. Truth is, all mothers feel guilty. No matter what the situation is. The mother could be married or single, poor or rich, we all experience mom guilt. We just have to accept that the guilt will come, but we don’t have to indulge it. Don’t worry that you’re not perfect or a child’s life isn’t perfect because nobody’s life is perfect. That’s okay. Your children will be okay. All they need is your love and attention. People are strong enough to get through anything and children are resilient. Your family will get through this and not just get through it but live it with joy and success.
Motherhood is exhausting. Work is exhausting. Don’t get overwhelmed by the never-ending things you have to do. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Take time at the end of the day after everyone is asleep to clear your mind. Contemplate on the day. Look at what you did right and what you could improve on. Try practicing Buddhism to help keep your mind strong. Or build a closer relationship with God in Christianity. Work on your stress coping skills. Fight depression and anxiety. You have all the power within you to get through each day and be happy at the end of the day no matter how stressful it gets.
It’s difficult to make friends after becoming a mother. It’s even more difficult as a single mom because you have less time for anything extra. But friends are so important. There were many days that I cried because I felt alone in life. I prayed that God would send me a friend. A wife has a husband to be their best friend. A single mom is alone. Open your heart to meeting new women in your life. And try to be there for other people, they need friends too. Try not to fill that need of a companion with the first man that gives you attention. Let’s try hard to be there for other women, support each other and protect each other. Maybe if more women opened up to other women we would all have more friends. Friends make us women stronger. I wish I had good friends at my side to show me when a man wasn’t treating me good. I wish I had friends to support and protect me when I was younger. Reach out and be someone’s friend.
Trust your motherly instinct
People like to tell others how to parent. They judge others on their parenting skills and tactics. No matter how good of a mother you are, you will always have someone judging you and looking down on you. That’s okay. Don’t listen to them. Listen to your motherly instincts. Listen to your heart. You know better than anyone else what your children need. You are everything they need. If you do have questions, find resources. There are parenting books, family counseling, and church counseling. Don’t listen to negative people who make you feel bad about your parenting skills. I always listened to others because I felt like those people were older and should know more than me. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself not to listen to other people. Listen to your heart or educate yourself if you have doubts about what you’re doing. I think I could have been a better mother by staying away from other people’s judgments and listening to my own motherly instincts.
Single mom life is challenging but you are strong enough to get through it. You are more than enough for your children. You may have been through some traumatizing experiences but don’t let that define you. Love yourself. You are a worthy person. You don’t need to feel guilty about not having a man in the house. Don’t let men manipulate you. Remember, all mothers feel guilt no matter what their situation. Try and find friends so you can get the emotional support you need. Friends will protect you so you won’t be left vulnerable to manipulating men. Take care of yourself and your mental health. You need to stay strong for your children. Don’t listen to judgmental people. Listen to your heart. You know whats best for your kids. You can do this. You are everything your babies need.
This post contains some Affiliate links. If you click on the link I will receive an Affiliate commission at no extra charge to you. I appreciate all of your support.